fin.

it’s done.

 

“i think we just need to not communicate for a while.”

 

i don’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me. he was my friend…at least that’s what i thought. however, friends don’t usually call each other derogatory terms or demean them without reason.

it’s funny how compassion works, isn’t it? i mean it really can be a blessing or a curse. currently for me though it has been erring on a curse with the ex-boyfriend situation.

i worked so incredibly hard to maintain our friendship…but no, not anymore.

i can’t do it.
emotionally, mentally, physically. it’s exhausting.
this form of defeat is certainly something new that i’ve never tasted before.

it’s funny, really — i always had the hardest time emotionally detaching myself from things, from people. this seemed so easy tonight, though. maybe it’s because i had finally reached my breaking point.

i have shed too many tears and spent too much time trying to make something broken whole again.

 

it’s just time for me to stop being emotionally masochistic.

 

emotionally masochistic. i think that’s a good way of putting it. regardless of how he treated me, i was still nice. i still forgave him. i guess i was really hoping that “treat others the way you want to be treated” really was a universal golden rule among people. (call me idealistic, but i still think it is).

i will not tolerate him calling me names, putting me down, making me upset. a real friend doesn’t do that to another friend. truly, it is exhausting going through the stages of being broken down, putting oneself back together, and repeating. absolutely exhausting.

i did what i could to salvage the friendship we had. i tried to maintain a strong and even consistent relationship of sorts between the two of us. i was just so patient, and for what? i can only hope and pray that he grows up and learns from all of this..i know i’m still learning from it.

i’m done.