Decisions, decisions.

Due to my current state of quasi-exhaustion, this should not be too terribly long.

While eating dinner, my mom brought something up with me. Needless to say, it was a topic that is usually a bit touchy and makes me far too pensive for my own good: my future.

Currently, I am an Elementary Education major with a minor in Creative Writing. However, with my mom’s recent statements, I feel as though I am second guessing myself.

Second guessing — what a funny and frustrating thing, is it not? One moment, you can feel completely confident in a decision, and it seems like all too soon you are back at square one, desperately searching for answers to the dire questions you have about what all lies ahead. It doesn’t help to realize that it is pretty much all out of your own control.

My mom mentioned Journalism. I have nothing against Journalism, really. When I went into Carolina, I kind of had the notion that I would major either in Journalism or English. My grandpa was a sports editor for the Canton Repository up in Ohio, and I was always obsessed with writing things (literally all things) down in detail as a child — my mother has proof under her bed in a box.

I have always enjoyed writing as well as teaching and being with children, hence the Creative Writing minor making the attempt to satiate my taste for the craft.

I started making a pros and cons list with the two majors and their respective occupations. To be completely honest, the rough draft of my list was pretty equal. This caused more frustration and confusion.

One of the most frustrating things about this new form of doubt that I have is that I simply don’t know.

I hate not knowing.

It’s so incredibly awful. How am I supposed to ready myself for what lies ahead? How do I make the proper decisions to make the most of my time right now? The only thing that I do know is that I could be an excellent teacher or journalist or anything else that my heart so desires. I just want to make sure I use my talents accordingly. That also enhances the frustration, knowing that I could excel at whatever I want to do.

Being conflicted is probably one of my least favorite emotions. There are far too many “what if” statements that plague my mental capacities and tend to wander into the interworkings of my mind, making a home there with no intent of leaving.

I want to teach. I want to write. I want to inspire. I want to help. I want to change. I want to be the best at whatever I do, and I want to be prepared to do that.

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